well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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