it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
