im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
