Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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