So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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