are you so shy because you have an std?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
