My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
