not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
