I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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