Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just want nice things and good sex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
