you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm passing your future prison.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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