Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I had to cum in my sink.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
