We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.