I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
