We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.