Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
