You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches