If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.