Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.