You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
