Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?