Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
