We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
