Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
