shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
