I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
