I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
