Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
