I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
