If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My vagina is very pro this idea
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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