areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
