i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
