I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
