Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
