Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
