Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
