Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
