i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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