Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
