we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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