new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize