OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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