my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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