pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
