I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
