I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
