Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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