I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
