I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
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Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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