i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
