Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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