How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
