the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
