forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
