I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
