The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
