I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sext me about skeletons
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize