I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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