I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
