I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
