Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
