Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just found puke in my bra..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
