And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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