Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
