I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
