hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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