i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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