angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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