Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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