You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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