She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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