There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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