we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
