Cold hands, warm shart.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
