I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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