im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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