i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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