this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
