I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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